Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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