I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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