Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
