i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
