So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
