I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
