a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
