I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
