Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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