I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
