She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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