david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
ok first of all what the fuck
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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