TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
