I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
