foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
How external is "for external use only"?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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