I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
