I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
