I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She tied me up with her honor cords...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
