I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
