ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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