she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
