On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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