I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize