It was confusing and full of hummus
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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