some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
