I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
