his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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