They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
