pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
