but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
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