did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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