Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
