Cold hands, warm shart.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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