I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
