my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
