Just fell off a train. Bad.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
