the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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