ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
All I want is dick and wine.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
