Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just had sex bonerless
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Randomize
