My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
