I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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