Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
