I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
