I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just found puke in my bra..
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
