go do what you do best...puke behind churches
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
