There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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