he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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