at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
