his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
