Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
