Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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