So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
