Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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