Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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