I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
