some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You dont lie about slip and slides
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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