I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
