One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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