well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
