You're my little dorito
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
