sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
