Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize