so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
